Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Run baby run

"You must be running away from something, or running towards something." The old Russian man said to me while we watched the sunset dip from sky to ocean, illuminating desert dunes that seemingly defied gravity to plunge sharply into the water.
"I'll take towards, thank you very much."
The site was Jericoacoara, Brazil.
He had just heard of the places I'd been, and the ones I would be traveling to and from his answer, was convinced that I had a messy part of my life I was escaping.
I was defiant that he had to be wrong, but tonight as I thought of my current situation of being back in Singapore after 8 years abroad, it dawned on me that I had faced one of my greatest fears - that of actually living in Singapore - head on without really noticing. Yes, there were the little annoyances, like feeling like a foreigner in my own country, thanks to looks that look more Thai or Filipino than Chinese, or the massive heat wave that my body revolted against. A larger gripe than that was possibly the light wind and lack of swell.

"You have to look at Singapore in context of Asia, you're in an incredible launching pad for so much" Barry had mentioned years ago. Last week's trips to Siem Reap, China and Hong Kong must have finally calmed my feathers down, and the new friends at the sea sports club were starting to make up for the fickle conditions.

I didn't think I'd say this even a week earlier, but living here permently was something I am starting to come to peace with, just in case that does happen!

Deliciously Imperfect

I was keenly aware that I wasn't sure what I was doing
and for the first time in my life, enjoying every moment of it!
Blame it on my life couch who had been walking me through my relationship with perfectionism
but it suddenly dawned on me that God wouldn't be faulting me for spending time investigating things, even if they were not the path I would ultimately take.
So as I clicked download on the Hillsongs college prospectus, a thought that I might be completely off track here crossed my mind. Followed by the thought, that God would be totally fine with me being off track at this phase of the journey and would guide me out if it was indeed the wrong direction.

Monday, March 1, 2010

March Already?

There is something about being in this country that makes me feel a bit like a beached whale.
I don't know if it is the constant sweat on what must be a layer of blubber,
or the realization that I have magically transformed from a size XS to M in under 12 hours after crossing continents.
For right now I'm going to decide that this phenomena has occurred because my parents are taking joy in feeding me + I am making up for a 4 year vacuum of local food.
The vain part of me is a little dismayed that I'm no longer the skinny girl in the crowd anymore and the sane part of me is just happy to eat and surf.
"You still have a long way to go before you become fat lah... come drink some beer with us" said Andrew at the beach. "A lot of the girls in this country are anorexic anyway."
How helpful that line was for me is questionable, but after looking at some models sporting the latest fashion, I was keenly aware that they looked pretty hungry, and had slender toothpick arms that probably would not be able to pull up a sail in a lull more than twice.
Not that that was a good excuse for lugging a glut around, tomorrow I will add a new resolution to March - that this eating frenzy needs some moderation in this land, the fried rice paradise.