Wednesday, May 12, 2010

On the last day of my 20s

I won't be ashamed to admit I spent most of this afternoon crying
Blame it on clearing my sms inbox and chancing upon an old text message from the heart of a former relationship
in addition to a series of careless messages the night before from a friend who was too sleepy to pay any attention to what he was saying.

I don't usually cry these days, except when I'm overwhelmed by the love of God
but today a deep pain stabbed a carefully lived out life.

I never really expect to be crossing into my 30s without anyone significant by my side.
I'm deeply grateful for my friends and my parents for standing next to me,
but with an evil comparing glance around me revealing friends in various stages of attending pre marriage classes or buying HDB flats or comparing strollers,
I vaguely felt what I'm sure everyone has felt at one point of time or another...
that I missed the boat somewhere along the line.

As much as I'd never thought I'd live this long without meeting a suitable candidate
I'd also never thought I'd have gone quite so far away from home,
lived in as many different cities as I have or seen the things I've seen or experienced what the last 6 years has rolled along.
I guess you have one or the other... and I doubt I would have given up my lot of life for a fleeting chance of HDB flat right this year.

A quick glance at my new ID photo pacifies my panic slightly, at least I don't really look 30 yet, sometimes...
and a quick look at 1 Corinthians 2:9 puts the finishing touches to quelling the storm
No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him

I'm going to be believing for good things this year.
come on 30, bring it on.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


There are 4 climates that one tends to encounter in Singapore
1. Hot and humid
2. Hot and rainy
3. Airconditioned + wet from being sweaty
4. Airconditioned + wet from being drenched from rain
The former 2 being predominantly macro climates while the second 2, micro ones depending on an individual's lifestyle.

Today it was a cross between 1. and 3. as I trudged to the train station in jeans, well aware that the air conditioning in my destination would get to me otherwise.
Fortunately, I've since learned that emitting sweat up to a certain level does not lead to a stink, after it dries, as I restrained my pace to maintain a low sweat emission. One does not want to be too offensive in a train packed with passengers even at 8:35am on a Sunday.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Simply the luckiest girl on Earth...

Not to brag, but in absolute gratitude
For all that's happened, and what's in store.
9 days closer to a new decade and I mused... at how full life had been to date. You mean there's more in store? SICK! God is just too good, and I see it displayed everytime a friend pulls me out of a hapless coding mess... or some other stomach unsettling situation is somehow redeemed. Or in the moments of absolute acceptance, as His precious beloved.

I used to feel sad that I didn't know where to call home. Singapore certainly didn't feel like it. Now I realize what a blessing it is to be able to call so many places in the world home.

The other night, i literally felt 2 prods in my heart. I don't know exactly what I was thinking or praying at the time, but I figured that those must have been the seeds of love which I'd read about in Hinds Feet on High Places. Where this life goes I don't know, but I know it's going to be good, because surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, if those prods were anything to be believed. Grow little seeds.. grow.